Squirrel Thoughts - Crybaby

Monday: Melancholy day. Like every day after coming home from a visit with my sissy.

Tuesday. Bad day. Crybaby day. Foot-in-mouth disease day. We all have them. This video helped me. I posted it on Facebook. But for those of you who didn't see it, here it is again.



It made me laugh.

So I'm over it.

I'm also over piddle on public toilet seats.

And prebagged grapes. I always feel guilty taking half out. That whole bag would rot before we could eat it.

Same with bananas.

A produce man once yelled at me for breaking off three bananas from a bunch of ten, or maybe twenty.

I cried.

I thought I heard Gracee crying while I was in the shower yesterday. Sounded like the produce man had beaten her with a bunch of bananas. Turns out she is now a deluxe Webkinz member. She was screaming with excitement.

"How do you become a deluxe member?" I asked.

"You have to take good care of your animals."

I dunno. I looked it up. Looks like it costs money to me.  I hope she didn't do a little online shopping. Like she did when she downloaded a couple game subscriptions to my phone.

Oh, and I'm over stray shopping carts. Can't people corral their own? I feel obligated to run around the parking lot to park them. So they don't do damage to my car. Or someone else's. Or one of the Amish buggies that might be parked there.

Speaking of which, did you hear about Levi Detweiler who led police on a chase and ultimately crashed his buggy?



I'll bet he got an earful from his parents.

Which reminds me. I also hate earwigs. AKA pincher bugs. Nasty little creatures. They make me cry.

I'll bet you didn't know there were male and female differences.

SQUIRREL!

Is this a male or a female?

Wednesday: Kind of a squirrely day.

Thursday: Definitely disturbed. As are others today.

Check them out over at Duane's Pleasantly Disturbed Thursday Blog Carnival.


Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King

Squirrel Thoughts - Old

Dennis and I are silent as we drive along until . . . SQUIRREL!

Me: "Stop the car! Now!"
SQUEEEEAL!
Him: "What? What's wrong?"
Me: "Cloud mountains. Must. Take. Picture."

Later at Hartwick Pines, I snap pictures of every sign and every display. A little research for my WIP. I linger in the bunkhouse and imagine my great-great-grandfather's decor over and on his bunk that undoubtedly included his hammered dulcimer wrapped in burlap at the foot. I stop to write down things like Sweet Dark Burly Tobacco, Woman's Heart Tobacco, Dr. Sages Catarrah Remedy, and Bradley-Metcalf (Makers of Good Shoes Since 1843.) I snap more pictures.

Me: "Does my taking so many pictures bug you?"
Him: "No. Not really. Well, sometimes, it gets old."

Old? Did he just call me OLD?

We walk the Old-Growth Trail, taking us back to a time when "White Pine Was King" and note the "last remnants of Michigan's virgin white pine forest" and gaze upon the "Monarch's" remains. The Monarch is the "most famous tree" in the park.

"Unfortunately, the Monarch lost its live crown in a wind storm in 1992 and died four years later. Before the storm, the Monarch stood 155 feet tall with a circumference of 12 feet. It was about 325 years old when it died. We don't know when the rest of the Monarch will come tumbling down. It could be today, next week or years from now."

We contemplate the fallen crown on the ground and raise our eyes to the remaining trunk.

The Monarch is/was old. And none of us know when we will come tumbling down, either. Even if we're not "old."

Later we stop in front of the house I grew up in. The one my dad built on to the front of our six-room motel. The "little house" is still there, too--four rooms and a screened porch--that housed five of us until my parents decided that I, as the oldest, needed my own personal space and moved me into one of the motel rooms.

We don't ask to walk down to "our" lakefront, but we drive around to the other side of the horseshoe (Horseshoe Lake), and I remember memories from long ago. And there, still, are the lily pads I loved, topped with the yellow blooms that always held bugs. I used to pick bouquets from the boat.

I hung out on the lake and in the woods alone when I was a kid. I made "fern forts," by stomping some ferns down flat leaving leafy walls, had little picnics. I take pictures of some of "my" ferns. They seemed a lot taller back then.

When I was young.

Younger.

We're "up north" this week to visit family and hang out at Alpenfest--the 46th year. I was the third queen in 1967.  And yes, the family teases me about being an "old queen." I prefer the term, "past queen." My mom likes to say I'm the "queen who became a King." When I meet people in town, I love being told I don't look "that old."

Speaking of old, those high-speed hand dryers scare me. I envision them stealing my skin's elasticity leaving my hands looking like overstretched crepe paper that never returns to its original shape.

Sigh.

I leave you with a video of Dennis and me on longer trips. We may be old. But we can still have fun.

And be sure to check out all today's other pleasantly disturbed posts over at
Duane Scott's Pleasantly Disturbed Blog Carnival

Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King

Squirrel Thoughts - 2

It's Thursday again. Time for Duane Scott's Pleasantly Disturbed Blog Carnival. He says it's a regular feature until October 23, 2013. I don't know how he chose that date, but . . . SQUIRREL!

"I am a bad wife. I handed my husband a stack of TV dinners and said, "Choose one." That's what I posted on Facebook and Twitter pages yesterday. I love some of the responses.

Jody: Hey! I like the TV dinner idea! You were very thoughtful to provide . . . well, something!
Susan: At least you didn't hand him a bunch of women and say, "Choose one."
Duane: That's so wrong. I have only eaten one TV dinner in my life.
Stephanie: Hey, if you're the one who put it in the microwave, it counts as cooking.
Amy: You're my hero!
Keiki: No worse than the rest of us, my friend.
Chad: The fact that you did not throw them at his head makes you at least a semi-decent wife.

For the record, he choose a Lean Cuisine of "wild salmon, whole wheat orzo pasta, spinach &carrots in a basil sauce." And I did throw a bowl of raspberries, blackberries, and blueberries at him. Can you picture that?

I had butternut squash ravioli. One of my favorites.




Then he (DH--Lainie, is DH okay?) went out and got me some DQ. He loves me.

How is it possible that Duane in all his almost 21 years has only eaten ONE TV dinner?

Speaking of Duane, I'm reminded of his beloved dog, Pokito, who has his own Facebook fan page but hasn't posted since the end of April when he tried to eat the gerbil. Or did the gerbil eat him?

And that makes me wonder how many robbers carry Bark Off?

I love birch trees. I remember how we used to peel the bark off to fashion and sew little canoes.

I love canoeing. I went white water rafting once down the Chattooga River, section 3 and part of section 4, with Wildwater Ltd in North Carolina. But that was in a raft, not a canoe. And I lived to tell about it. Barely.

We never owned a gerbil. But we had rabbits. Lots of rabbits. On purpose. Show rabbits. Pets. 4H.

Speaking of rabbits, here's a brave one.



Oh for that kind of courage! To tackle a writing project. To tackle life.

Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King

Going to the Dentist

I had to go to the dentist today. I'm so glad my dentist's name is Jim and not Tim and that he managed to numb me up without any drama.

For some Friday fun, here's that famous clip from the Carol Burnett Show featuring Tim Conway and Harvey Korman.

And here is a scene from the movie, They Went That-A-Way and That-A-Way, written by Tim Conway. In this movie, Tim played an undercover cop in a prison, stranded there because the only person who knows that he's not really a criminal suddenly dies.

Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King

A Special Touch

I drove Abby to the doctor for an incision check yesterday. She had a C-section a couple of weeks ago, and she's not supposed to drive, of course. But she did. Among other things she shouldn't have been doing. Because she's impatient and needs to be in control. Because she feels like she has to entertain visitors. Because she forgets she just had major surgery.

Thus the reason for the doctor visit. And my driving.

Anyway. There on the checkout counter sat a box. Wrapped in pink paper. Covered with silk pink dogwoods. With a label on the front.

Complaints, Compliments, Suggestions.

Not your normal comment or suggestion box. A box with a special touch.

I scrambled in my purse for my camera.

Must. Take. Picture.

But my battery was dead. I had extras, but I didn't load them in the camera. Because the receptionist had a this-woman-is-crazy look. And Abby had a get-my-mother-out-of-here-now-(!) look.

She had already been making fun of me as I soaked up every special-touch detail in the waiting room. And how I imagined all the straight-backed chairs lining the walls filled with protruding-belly women while all the deep-seated upholstered sofas and chairs enveloped all the just-here-for-my-annual-tuneup ladies. And how I ooh'd and aah'd over the "special touches" in the exam room.

If she'd had the strength, she would have literally dragged me to the car. Especially when I stopped to exclaim over the beauty of the--what are those flowers--pink asters?

"I need to take a picture of these."

"C'mon, Mom!"

"You don't get it, do you?" I whined. "I am a writer. I have to capture everything. I don't want to lose anything."

She just rolled her eyes and half laughed and half complained when I missed a turn and found myself going the wrong way and she reminded me what a terrible driver I am and what a terrible sense of direction I have and to quit looking at everything and to keep my eyes on the road because she'd just had a C-section and she didn't want to get hurt.

And today I'm still wondering.

Why did "complaints" come first in the order of things?

Did the office get more complaints than compliments?

Did they expect more complaints?

Did they think if they acknowledged you might have a complaint you would be satisfied with that and move directly to a compliment?

What a great idea to soften the sting of a complaint with a special touch.

Maybe a writer could design a box with a special touch labeled:

"Rejections, _______, _______.

Fill in the blanks.

And always be sure your camera is loaded with fresh batteries.

By the way, we had a great afternoon together!

A day with a special touch.

How can you soften the stings of the writing life? How would you fill in the above blanks? When did you last experience a special touch?


Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King

Gathered Together - Word Fun With Animals

Some fun names for animal groups.

A congregation of alligators.
A shrewdness/troop of apes.
A troop/flange/congress/rumpus of baboons.
A cete of badgers.
A sloth/sleuth of bears (general.)
A litter of cubs (bears.)
A colony/family of beavers.
A sute of bloodhounds.
A herd/troop/gang/obstinancy of buffalo.
A clutter/clowder/pounce/dout/nuisance/glorying/glare of cats (general.)
A kindle/litter/intrigue of kittens.
A destruction of cats (wild.)
A coalition of cheetahs.
A kine of cows.
A flink of cows (12+.)
A band of coyotes.
A bask/float of crocodiles.
A herd/leash/gang of deer (general.)
A brace/clash of bucks (deer.)
A kennel of dogs (general.)
A cowardice of curs (dogs.)
A cry/mute/pack of hounds (dogs.)
A drove/pace/herd of donkeys.
A herd/memory/parade of elephants.
A gang/herd of elk.
A business/cast/fesnying of ferrets.
A leash/skulk/earth/lead/troop of foxes.
A tower of giraffes.
An implausibility of gnus.
A tribe/trip/drove/herd/flock of goats.
A band/troop of gorillas.
An array of hedgehogs.
A bloat/thunder of hippos.
A rag/rake of colts (horses.)
A string of ponies (horses.)
A cackle of hyenas.
A troop/mob of kangaroos.
A leap of leopards.
A pride/sault/troop of lions.
A mischief of mice.
A labor/company/movement of moles.
A troop/barrel/carload/cartload/tribe of monkeys.
A pack/span/barren/rake of mules.
A romp of otters.
A pomp of pekingese.
A colony/rookery/huddle of penguins (general.)
A creche of penguins (nursery.)
A drift/drove of pigs (general.)
A singular/sounder of boars (pigs.)
A team/passel/drift/parcel of hogs (pigs.)
A litter/farrow of piglets.
A prickle of porcupines.
A coterie of prairie dogs.
A colony/warren/bury/trace/trip of rabbits (general.)
A herd of rabbits (domestic.)
A down/husk of hares (rabbits.)
A gaze/mask of raccoons.
A colony/pack/plague/swarm of rats.
A crash/stubbornness of rhinoceroses.
A pod/bob/harem/herd/rookery of seals.
A dray/scurry of squirrels.
A stench of skunks.
A streak/ambush/swift of tigers.
A pack/route of wolves.
A crossing/zeal/cohorts/herd of zebras.

Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King

Gathered Together - Word Fun with Birds

I wrote about some turkeys the other day on Beholding God. And I wondered, "What do you call a bunch of turkeys anyway?"

And then I stumbled on some way cool words to describe them. And other birds.

For instance, here are some of my favorites. In no particular order.

A rafter/posse/gang of turkeys.
A pandemonium/prattle of parrots.
A pitying of turtledoves.
A flock of ducks (flight).
A badling/brace of ducks (ground).
A raft/team/paddlling of ducks (water).
An ostentation/muster/pride of peacocks.
A lamentation/ballet of swans.
A host of sparrows.
An ascension/exaltation of larks.
A clutter/murmuration of starlings.
A conspiracy of ravens.
A descent/gatling of woodpeckers.
A dissimulation/flock of ground birds.
A volary/brace/plump/knob of game birds.
A wreck of sea birds.
A chattering/clutch of chickens.
A mustering of storks.
A mutation/hermitage of thrushes.
A party/scold of jays.
A dole of doves.
A dropping of pigeons!
A gaggle of geese.
A sedge of cranes.
A squabble of seagulls.
A stand/flamboyance of flamingoes.
A wake of buzzards.
A watch of nightingales.
A wisdom/parliament of owls.
A colony/cloud of bats
A convocation/aerie of eagles.
A cast of hawks (general).
A kettle of hawks (flying).
A boil of hawks (spiraling).
A tiding/gulp/murder/charm of magpies.
A pod of pelicans.
A bouquet of pheasants (takeoff).
A congregation of plovers.
A venue of vultures.

There are some colorful animal groups, too. Next time.

Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King

Classic Medical Bloopers

The church bulletin bloopers posted over at Author Culture last week inspired me to collect some from the medical world. Luckily we know the true meanings. Or do we? 

1.  Apparently the next day she developed this rash on her hands, and the feet had gone away.

2.  The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaint.

3.  She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

4.  The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

5.  On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely gone away.

6.  The patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7.  Patient was alert and unresponsive.

8.  Past medical history significant for a basal cell carcinoma on her head which was removed recently.

9.  She fell and hit her left forearm against a rock which remains painful and swollen today.

10. The patient fell while rollerblading on his left hand.

11. The patient had a similar episode in the past when she was exposed to cats with severe wheezing.

12. She lost her cool this week and apparently blew up her husband and her daughter.

13. She sometimes has difficulty initiating her legs to start a walk.

14. She is ambulatory with her father at discharge, who happily sucks a popsicle.

15. The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

16.  By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.

17. The patient refused an autopsy.

18. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

20. Patient was alert and unresponsive.